


FUCK IT

by Eattheboring



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, im so sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-04-11 14:28:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4438982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eattheboring/pseuds/Eattheboring
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What every fan fiction is like I swear to god</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Asdoisjdsadi" Hannibal said as he fell down the stairs  
"fuck" Will yelled and he dove over the railing on the second level. He hit the floor and pulled Hannibal's body close to him "shit fuck pussy bitch are you hurt Hannibal dammit"  
"ah...no" Hannibal said, even though he was bleeding everywhere.  
"the only thing that will save me is if i fuck you into the floor right now"  
"nooo" Will said weakly. "Oh fuck it you slut do me right now."  
so they fucked brutally and came and lived happily ever after.


	2. Oil

Will was cooking in the kitchen while Hannibal read on the couch in the other room. A splatter of oil hit Will's hand and he yelped.  
Suddenly Hannibal teleported across the house at a speed which would make Captain Kirk jealous and held Will's burned hand.  
"Are you hurt my love" he said, looking into Will's eyes. They were so sparkly and beautiful that Hannibal wanted to keep them in a jar on his nightstand so he would never have to stop looking at them.  
"I am in pain and extremely vulnerable and aroused," Will whispered, as tears fell down his cheeks. ('cos he's a fucking wuss) Hannibal immediately ripped off all of Will's clothing with one swoop of his hand and fucked him violently on the counter. They came and lived happily ever after.


	3. Punz

Hannibal was drawing at his desk. Will came into the room to drop off some food but Hannibal stood up and said "Your vulnerability and face arouses me in ways I don't understand" And Will quietly wailed "Nooooooooooooooo…"  
BUT SUDDENLY he decided 'oh what the fuck' so he stripped like he was getting paid for it and proceeded to be on the receiving end of a blowjob.  
"Hannibal-" He cried. "DID YOU KNOW THE EPITOME OF TRUST IS ALLOWING A CANNIBAL TO GIVE YOU A BLOWJOB"  
Hannibal was so fucking done with this shit  
so they fucked violently and came and lived happily ever after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry


	4. Chapter 4

Will fell off a stool while putting away dishes and Hannibal suddenly developed super speed, caught him in midair, and on the way down stripped him naked and they fucked violently against the refrigerator, came, and lived happily ever after.


	5. Chapter 5

Hannibal and Will went on a vacation (to Europe) and fucked violently at every oppertunity. They fucked on the bed, at the opera, on a gondola, in a prestigious art museum...Then they went home and had animalistic sex so wild it would make Cersei Lannister jelous. They lived happily ever after in murder and cannibalism. There was no Mizumono. The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY PSST IF YOU WANT TO READ A FANFICTION LIKE THIS BUT LIKE TOTALLY SERIOUS I KNOW THIS RAD AUTHOR CALLED EATTHEBORING WHO WROTE THIS THING CALLED PARISIAN NOCTURNE AND LIKE YOU CAN FIND IT HERE http://archiveofourown.org/works/4633920 BUT LIKE HEY YO JUST A SUGGESTION


	6. Chapter 6

"Hahh...Will..."  
"H-Hannibal? Why are you calling me so late? It's almost 1 in the morning."  
"Will...Ah..D-don't be that way..."  
"...What's with that weird tone of voice, Hannibal?"  
"Nnn."  
Will felt something in his lower stomach jump.  
"w-why did you call me?" He dropped his voice to a whisper.  
"I...wanted to tell you how much I love you." There was a muffled noise in the backround. "Hnn..Ah...love you."  
"Is there something wrong?" Will tried to not get aroused by the breathy voice Hannibal was using...but it was no use. His cock twitched in interest. "You know I'm at crime scene, right?...You can't do..this..now!" His voice started to sound like he was pleading. "Hannibal!"  
"Nn!" There was a low groan from the phone and Will bit his lip...He recognised that sound. "Goodnight, my love." Hannibal gritted out. The line clicked.  
Will was left staring unhappily at the cellphone in his palm. 'Damn it, Hannibal!' he thought. He was at a crime scene, surrounded by gore and dead bodies-with a raging boner. 'Fucking shit pussy ass tits!'  
So he masturbated roughly on his end of the phone while Hannibal did so back at the house, and somehow they came together through the telepathy that is cannibalistic serial killer love and lived happily ever after.


	7. When you realise you're writing fan fiction about cannibals

Hannibal tips his chin up and the hollows under his brows and cheeks fill with shadow. 

“Your teeth were made for flesh.” He says quietly, lifting his lip subconsciously and letting the light catch on one wicked canine. 

Will considers this and touches his tongue to his own teeth in reflexion. He’s bitten into the occasional undercooked slab of meat, once mistaking something in the pan to be cooked when it was, in fact, raw. He remembers the sickening slide of uncooked thews against his tongue, slick membranes squeaking between his teeth. 

He pictures hot flesh, bloody, twitching-

OH SHIT WHY AM I WRITING THIS THIS IS FUCKING SICK HOLY SHIT NO I AM GODDAMN DONE RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCKING HELL


	8. fuck

Hannibal pressed his hips into Will's.  
"Do you feel that?" He murmured.  
Will did.  
It was big.  
and...hard.  
"Oh," he gasped. He looked down and bit his lip.  
"Hannibal." He whispered. "it's perfect."  
"It's for you."  
"Me?"  
"all yours."  
Will smiled, shy, and reached down. He gripped the length in his hand. "Oh," he gasped.  
"Take it." Hannibal said.  
Will did.   
He lifted the candy bar to his lips and enjoyed it.  
THE FUCKING END  
ALSO THEY FUCKED HARD AND he CAMED AND they LIVED HAPPIILY EVER AFTER IN GAY CANNIBALISTIC SEXYTIMES FOREVER FUCKING YES *thumbs up*


End file.
